8:16 p.m. || 2006-03-18
Things I'll Never Say
Listening to: Avril Lavigne:- Tomorrow
Thinking: It's not fair.
Mood: Sad, weak, helpless.
I think I have found a song that sums up my love life.
Ok, so it's by Avril Lavigne. Yes, I know..shoot me know and all that crap *rolls eyes*
But it really does sum it up completely. The lyrics are so close to how I feel it's scary :S (just scroll down if you are too lazy to read lyrics)
"Things I'll Never Say"
I’m tugging at my hair
I’m pulling at my clothes
I’m trying to keep my cool
I know it shows
I’m staring at my feet
My checks are turning red
I’m searching for the words inside my head
(Cause) I’m feeling nervous
Trying to be so perfect
Cause I know you’re worth it
You’re worth it
Yeah
If I could say what I want to say
I'd say I wanna blow you... away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight
If I could say what I want to see
I want to see you go down
On one knee
Marry me today
Yes, I’m wishing my life away
With these things I’ll never say
It don’t do me any good
It’s just a waste of time
What use is it to you
What’s on my mind
If ain’t coming out
We’re not going anywhere
So why can’t I just tell you that I care
(Cause) I’m feeling nervous
Trying to be so perfect
Cause I know you’re worth it
You’re worth it
Yeah
If I could say what I want to say
I'd say I wanna blow you... away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight
If I could say what I want to see
I want to see you go down
On one knee
Marry me today
Yes, I’m wishing my life away
With these things I’ll never say
What’s wrong with my tongue
These words keep slipping away
I stutter, I stumble
Like I’ve got nothing to say
(Cause) I’m feeling nervous
Trying to be so perfect
Cause I know you’re worth it
You’re worth it
Yeah
Yes I’m wishing my life away with these things I’ll never say
If I could say what I want to say
I'd say I wanna blow you...away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight
If I could say what I want to see
I want to see you go down
On one knee
Marry me today
Yes, I’m wishing my life away
With these things I’ll never say
These things I’ll never say
...it's scary I tell ya! *crumples*
well....thanks fuck for freedom.
Today I went food shopping...avec motheeeerrr. Yes, it sounds boring, but it actually was ok. I guess it was nice to spend some time with her properly since we dont really talk enough.
And hey..i got soem ice cream i was craving :P another plus.
Came home and drew quite a lot. I did two portraits and then moved on to Laura's picature. (no worries Laurashmeen....it shall be finished soon! *mwah*)
Ugh..I don't know what to do. Mentally I mean. I feel quite mixed up about issues which have swamped me for ages...I haven't really sorted them out.
Part of me is telling me I should carry on as I am and see how things go...but another part of me says I should do something about it.
I know the first option is easier, but I feel all it's doing is containing itself, growing bigger, then just coming out in tears..and then it starts again.
Yes, I am aware that I am talking crap. I am aware it sounds fake. But it is kind of genuine. Ugh..I find it hard to explain things. But it's worse when I have to actually say them out loud. That's my weak spot.
mmph..maybe its just the music influencing me..
been writing some poetry today actually. Crappy, first-thing-in-the-morning poetry, but still.
That's why I have to carry notebooks around with me. I get loads of ideas, but if I remember it and come back to it later, I've lost the mood. I have to at least start the idea there and then.
